Jessica Fulk’s Sleep-Deprived Ramblings: Is Joe Burrow’s House Real or Did I Imagine It?Million-Dollar Horse Palaces and… Wait, What Was I… Oh Right, Joe Burrow’s New Home Thing
[Sound of something falling] Ow. Is this… am I recording? Whatever.
Horses and Footballs and… I Don’t Even Know Anymore
Okay, so… Joe Burrow. Football guy. Bought a… a horse castle? No, that’s not right. Horse ranch. Yeah. For like, all the money ever. Seven point… something million. Do horses even like football? Can Joe Burrow ride a horse? In full pads? That I’d pay to see. Everyone’s like, “Jess, can we get a Joe Burrow house tour?” Sure, let me just call him up. We’re best buds. NOT. I can’t even get a tour of my own house right now. Where am I? Oh right, office. Again.
Real Estate is Weird, Y’all
And then… what was I… oh yeah! Fountain Haus closed. A club. Closing. Shocking. In other news, water is wet. Maybe we can turn it into a horse club. Everything’s horses now. Thanks, Joe. Oh man, remember that Franklin Ray Canton MI mess? Ponzi scheme dude. Making us look bad. I’m just trying to sell houses, not… whatever he was… wait, was he selling horse ranches too? Is everyone in on this horse thing but me?
Castles and… More… Things
Did I tell you about the KC Workhouse? It’s a castle. Here. In KC. Not even kidding. Maybe we can… I dunno, fill it with horses? Is that what we do now? I’m so confused. Is any of this real? Am I real? Are houses even real? Maybe we’re all just living in Joe Burrow’s giant horse sim game. That would explain a lot, actually.
I Need… Something. Sleep? Coffee? A New Brain?
I should sleep. Or learn to ride a horse. Become a horse… seller? Horse house seller? Is that a thing? It is now. Dibs on that job title. If you need me, I’ll be… somewhere. Probably. Unless I’ve turned into a house. Or a horse. Or a horse-house hybrid. At this point, anything’s possible. I’m gonna go… do something. Sleep? Work? Who knows. Maybe I’ll wake up and this’ll all be a weird dream. A horse dream. Those are a thing, right? [Muffled thud, followed by soft snoring]
